Whatever Happens, Nomuro Uno.
I'm starting to realize, most of my dreams are a lucid state of Silent Hill, with a constant fog all around you and pink skies up above. Everything else is generated from what I feel at that moment and if there's a couple in the dream, I will never recognize their names or faces. Subconsciously, the dreamstate influences my writing, with me always being a 3rd person in a relationship. The scenery was pretty similiar as well, cause there's nothing quite as mysterious as a swirling cloud of pink above your head.
Then after that, I wake up alone, with no sense of purpose. It seems to be one of the greatest fears I've ever had in all time since I was a child; to wake up alone in a world where noone is there but you. Attributed to the many times the toddler little me woke up and found noone home, to which in my wild imagination was something from the movie I am Legend (Without the rabid zombies and the dog was a cat who always ran away from me.)
Also a shower in Cendawan's out so I'm smelling very manly. I wonder what burst the pipeline...
The Road up ahead me is still long and cruel. I remember a verse from Sunscreen saying not to plan your life, less you be downed by the dissapointment. I stuck to those words of wisdom, until someone asked me, "How do you see yourself in 5 years time?" When I couldn't answer that, depression ensued. The truth is now, I still fear that question, never wanting to be dissapointed by to not achieve what I could have been, and at the same time scared of being dissapointed of never realising what I could have been.
But then, this year is coming to an end and I look back at it, it seems that I've learnt alot compared to these past few years. I've gone through a state of depression, with suicidal intentions. I've learnt from people about working life, and that the halls of academia was a life people would miss. I worked temporarily for a fashion boutique, and was surprised by the amount of people and things you can learn. I've also learned that working has it's benefits, like a LCD TV or a new computer. I've made alot of new friends, ranging from blue collar worker to a brilliant person with PhDs. I've learnt a simple compliment to a beautiful face, and the joy of it having to smile back at me. I've learnt the joy of books, how simple fiction can help us where we least expect it and how writing it can be divine. I went overseas, and learnt how the world is a humongous place. I've learned that it's never too late to restore your faith, and the ultimate being that watches us still watches us, with a smile.
Earlier, a great man I met today told me that I had something in myself, which reminded me of another great aiki master who told me I had potential, and other great people before that. I thought as myself as being a Jack-of-all-trades but I thought I was full of myself (Even though this post is mostly about me but hey it's my blog) until Hamsa actually told me, "...if you really think you're a Jack-of-all-trades you should try this challenge..." then I realize it wasn't just me.
So it was a combination of events that eventually told me to realize that I was meant for greater things, and the only thing holding me back was myself. And then you can't help but wonder by how what you listen to and who you hear it from influences a great deal of things in your life.
The main reason I made this blog was due to my less-than-average goldfish memory ability to remember all the fun things I had in life, but was set aback because those fun things either became repetitive or there were too much things overshadowing it. But then I've learned that one of the biggest lessons I could have learned came from yourself, which the words that was simple to tell others, but only now realized you could have done it for yourself.
Never Give Up.
Have Fun Along the Way.
Live like you're going to die tomorrow, but dream like you live forever.
Do or die. (Noone will care 500 years from now)
What is life without friends?
Faith and Duty.
Always be humble.
Never undersestimate the small things in life.
Until now, I'm not sure what kind of potential lies within me, but what I do know is that I can write. Until the day I meet the grand maker, I should realize part of my potential and continue to record my thoughts and mind.
So in other words, I'm back babeh!
Song of Today:-
The Verve - Bitter Sweet Symphony
Then after that, I wake up alone, with no sense of purpose. It seems to be one of the greatest fears I've ever had in all time since I was a child; to wake up alone in a world where noone is there but you. Attributed to the many times the toddler little me woke up and found noone home, to which in my wild imagination was something from the movie I am Legend (Without the rabid zombies and the dog was a cat who always ran away from me.)
Also a shower in Cendawan's out so I'm smelling very manly. I wonder what burst the pipeline...
The Road up ahead me is still long and cruel. I remember a verse from Sunscreen saying not to plan your life, less you be downed by the dissapointment. I stuck to those words of wisdom, until someone asked me, "How do you see yourself in 5 years time?" When I couldn't answer that, depression ensued. The truth is now, I still fear that question, never wanting to be dissapointed by to not achieve what I could have been, and at the same time scared of being dissapointed of never realising what I could have been.
But then, this year is coming to an end and I look back at it, it seems that I've learnt alot compared to these past few years. I've gone through a state of depression, with suicidal intentions. I've learnt from people about working life, and that the halls of academia was a life people would miss. I worked temporarily for a fashion boutique, and was surprised by the amount of people and things you can learn. I've also learned that working has it's benefits, like a LCD TV or a new computer. I've made alot of new friends, ranging from blue collar worker to a brilliant person with PhDs. I've learnt a simple compliment to a beautiful face, and the joy of it having to smile back at me. I've learnt the joy of books, how simple fiction can help us where we least expect it and how writing it can be divine. I went overseas, and learnt how the world is a humongous place. I've learned that it's never too late to restore your faith, and the ultimate being that watches us still watches us, with a smile.
Earlier, a great man I met today told me that I had something in myself, which reminded me of another great aiki master who told me I had potential, and other great people before that. I thought as myself as being a Jack-of-all-trades but I thought I was full of myself (Even though this post is mostly about me but hey it's my blog) until Hamsa actually told me, "...if you really think you're a Jack-of-all-trades you should try this challenge..." then I realize it wasn't just me.
So it was a combination of events that eventually told me to realize that I was meant for greater things, and the only thing holding me back was myself. And then you can't help but wonder by how what you listen to and who you hear it from influences a great deal of things in your life.
The main reason I made this blog was due to my less-than-average goldfish memory ability to remember all the fun things I had in life, but was set aback because those fun things either became repetitive or there were too much things overshadowing it. But then I've learned that one of the biggest lessons I could have learned came from yourself, which the words that was simple to tell others, but only now realized you could have done it for yourself.
Never Give Up.
Have Fun Along the Way.
Live like you're going to die tomorrow, but dream like you live forever.
Do or die. (Noone will care 500 years from now)
What is life without friends?
Faith and Duty.
Always be humble.
Never undersestimate the small things in life.
Until now, I'm not sure what kind of potential lies within me, but what I do know is that I can write. Until the day I meet the grand maker, I should realize part of my potential and continue to record my thoughts and mind.
So in other words, I'm back babeh!
Song of Today:-
The Verve - Bitter Sweet Symphony
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