Saturday, February 05, 2011

Miniscule

There has been this thing that has finally hit a slab to my head. Try to put yourself in my position for a moment. I enjoy writing fiction, making up stories and universe to a point I continuously try to pen down several images that come inside my head and try to tell it to my friends. Of course at first, people do listen and realize that there is so much potential behind my creativity. Then I continue to write, improve my skills, draw more, but the crowd that you first show it to begins to loose interest. So you keep it to yourself. Then one day you realize, all the while that you had enjoyed writing at 100 over page draft of what seemed to be intricate details of how you have defined life as it is through the eyes of fiction, someone else had the same idea and is making multi-million dollars from the same idea.

Eventually, I wonder, what if all I had written was simply just a waste of time?

In my self-defense or self-denial, I'd like to think it as a way that prevents me from going insane. But there's only so much a limit you can do when your creativity eventually dies out, and that your left with a blank piece of paper that just mirrors what you are: Blank.

It's been a long time since I tried something new, and also, it's been a long time since I tried something old as well. So here I am blogging as much as possible. And so, good or bad, I have decided that I am going to write, regardless of the outcome.

For those of you who actually have been following this little corner of the universe of mine,

Yes, I'm finally working.
No, Don't really enjoy my job.
No, I don't feel any richer.
Yes, I do miss my life in Uniten.
Yes, I no longer have breathing space.

Once upon a time I was known as a hermit, who enjoyed my own time and my own space in a little dimentia of my own. Now I'm surrounded by people, and I'm still in a little dimentia of my own.

And now for my favourite part, everyday life dramas in the form of dialouges.

Zil: Me and John had this little conversation about who suffers the most in the group.
Zil: John voted for Hamsa.
Jin: He still is if you ask me. Probably right now with his current GF.
Zil: I beg to differ actually.
Jin: Why? He's getting better?
Zil: Ahh... I hope so but no. I actually voted for you.
Jin: ...you farking serious?
Zil: Well, I measure in terms of financially, Hamsa does suffer, but in terms of psychologically, I think you suffer the worst.
Jin: We all suffer la
Jin: I'm pretty sure you know the meaning of Agony, Zil.

And that is when I recalled this interesting quote;

"Everyone of us have changed. Yap has changed, Hamsa has changed, Epul only changed his vices. In your case, I'd say, you've become.... dark. Not in an evil sense, but dark in a sense that you see how reality works and that you have come to terms with the cruelty of it."

--Jin 2010.

If I was a daydreamer then, I must have woken up to a Nightmare.
But it's funny that we all do, and the best way to overcome something miserable is to laugh at it.
In the end, cruelty and selfishness wins, and fiction is a work of false promises.

I'm going to admit that many points of my life I've been excited to receive attention from people. But I'm going admit that sometimes, when people try to get your attention for something you are not remotely interested in, it can be hard to feign interest without hurting another person's feelings.

On a brighter side note, I miss the life of 6am in the morning. ^^

And then I ran out of breath....

0 Comments:

Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

<< Home